I thought about this today as I heard Trace Adkins sing "Arlington". That song always brings a tear to my eye and i can't help it. I imagine the long lines of white crosses stretching across the land and think of each story that is left behind and each family that is left behind and how much honor is represented there. One day I was sitting here at the computer and I had an awful thought. One of those thoughts you dont' wish on anyone but you have to face as a military spouse. Where would I bury my husband if he never came home to me. But also where would I bury him when he passes in the future.
He grew up in a California and Utah and most of his dad's family lives in the south. He joined the Army at 17-18 and left Utah. This is not his home nor is it where I would stay if he wasn't here. He deserves to be buried somewhere that shows the honor that he had for his country. He told me once that he truely believes that the reason he was put on this earth is to serve his country....He deserves to be buried in a National Cemetary with his fellow hero's. But where? I was looking on the Arlington Site and saw that if he was to be cremated (which is his only request) that his ashes would simply be spread in a certain area with no marker. I don't know if I want that...I want someplace I can go and see him, to talk to him, to honor him. He is MY hero, MY husband and MY bestfriend. I am not sure where I would chose at this time. Thank god I don't have to.
I asked him and of course in his natural method of talking about things such as this he said "Why you got plans for when I get back?" or another comment was "What makes you think I will die first?" I was worried that his mother might want to bury him here in Utah because that is where she is. But this is not his HOME this is just where he lives....One day I will have to figure it out but for now I don't. But I know that it will be an honorable place....
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Monday, August 29, 2005
Katrina
Obviously tonight's post would be about Katrina. My husband's detachment is attached to a Battalion in Gulfport Miss. which we now know got the most damage whereas everyone thought New Orleans would. A friend of mine's husband was on his way back from Iraq and was not able to go home to Gulfport and is stuck in Maine at the moment. She is concerned and worried. I am scheduled to fly to New Orleans the first week of October...and hopefully will have a place to stay. But it will be interesting to see if everything is in order enough to even fly my husband and the rest of the Seabee's back there. Over 1 million people without power and it could be up to 2 months before they get it back...I can't imagine how huge the effects that will continue to show up as they recover.
I may be affected as well but hopefully not....the people that were suppose to fix my husband's pay are based in Gulfport. So hopefully they did the job they needed to on Friday...if not I don't know if he will get paid or not. Katrina's touch to my life will be so small compared to the devastation and death that they are experiencing there. Their entire lives gone in a wave...I love the ocean and would love to live in a small town there but it is times like t hese that i'm glad that I live surrounded by mountains and desert.
I will be thinking of their future and hope that if I go there in a month that I can see people pulling together as a community and starting to rebuild their lives.
I may be affected as well but hopefully not....the people that were suppose to fix my husband's pay are based in Gulfport. So hopefully they did the job they needed to on Friday...if not I don't know if he will get paid or not. Katrina's touch to my life will be so small compared to the devastation and death that they are experiencing there. Their entire lives gone in a wave...I love the ocean and would love to live in a small town there but it is times like t hese that i'm glad that I live surrounded by mountains and desert.
I will be thinking of their future and hope that if I go there in a month that I can see people pulling together as a community and starting to rebuild their lives.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
A Good Neighbor
I came home late last night then made apparently rambling posts and emails to my husband because he said he could tell I was tired because I wasn't making much sense! But anyway I got home and walked up to my door and noticed there was grass on my front porch...Now how the hell did that happen? I haven't been home lately and haven't mowed since 2 weeks ago. Hmmm someone mowed my lawn for me!! Wow go figure...someone does like me in the neighborhood! I think it's my good looking military neighbor. Woohoo ladies he is a hottie if you are single! A good looking apache pilot can move in next door to me ANYTIME!! Of course now he has his flag up on his front porch so I can't say to people "Just look for the house with the flag on it because i'm the only one in the neighborhood that has one". Hubby says I have to be nice and not scare him away because he thinks he is cool (they met while he was home on R&R) Would I do that?!?! NOT ME!!!! But anyway it was very nice because I wasn't looking forward to it this weekend and have lots other stuff I could be doing...I will have to catch him to see if he did it and if not then i'm a little concerned that there is a lawnmowing bandit running around the neighborhood just mowing people's lawns...My luck I will get a bill! Or they will get caught by the cops and won't come back next week...*please please mow my lawn again I will be a victim of your crime for as long as you want!!*
Tricare Drama Trauma
Okay I was going through this whole episode with Tricare being stupid (a computer glitch I swear!! ) and they wouldn't authorize my shot for the "procedure"...well the dr's office wouldnt' give it to me ($714 is worth waiting for an authorization for) without the WRITTEN AUTHORIZATION from Tricare...understandable thanks Doc for looking out for my best interests! So I wait and wait and FINALLY they get word that Tricare has approved it on the 5th of August...So I get the shot on the 8th of August......The EOB comes in this weekend...DENIED (Not a covered service) well I have an authorization number and a form they sent me showing (TriWest Healthcare Alliance has approved a request from *Doctor's Name Here* to provide you with the following services Blah Blah Blah scientific name of painful shot in the hip region) Yeah so SCREW YOU TRICARE!! I'm sure it's just another "computer glitch" Of course they really need to be paying me by the hour as much time as I need to sit on the phone with these stupid people!
A Good or Bad Paying Job
Okay this week has sucked...I mean honestly sucked!! Starts out I had a job in the morning on Monday...By 7 pm according to my MIL "She wasn't allowed to hire or fire anyone for now" Ummm okay whatever you psycho!! I told her how poor we were (Navy messed up our pay but I allready talked about that...) and instead she is letting her cheating husband blackmail her into keeping HIM and HIS GIRLFRIEND working at the company when I bent over backwards to offer to run the company and take over EVERYTHING. Well screw her! So I fixed the pay and don't need her! Can Do baby!!
So on to my next job I had this week....This goes along with the missing diamond event.... So I went on the hands and knees search all night....Nothing! So I was cleaning my mom's house (she was paying me anyway but obviously I would be looking for the diamond) and I did a very good job vacuuming it. So as I dumped all the contents of the vacuum out on the kitchen floor and was sifting through enough cat/dog hair to make my own chia pet and dust *sneeze* my daughter comes up....That is gross she says! "Awww yes honey but actually it's a job that pays very well if I find my diamond...About $2,000 an hour!" Of course as children think she says to me "Yes but if you don't find it then it really pays badly!!" <----True but like I needed to be a fatalist today! So as I got my hopes up that I found it mixed in the with fur...Nope wait it's not a diamond solitare...only a DOG TOENAIL CLIPPING! *gross* I realized it wasn't doing me any good. I didn't find it. So later that night I put my mom's head light on (I don't know what they are called but those lights you put on your helmet when you go into a cave) and I crawled around in the dark on my hands and knees hoping that this very clear, nicely cut and wonderful diamond would show up and reflect some of the light but it didn't....I loved that diamond it was so pure in color and clarity...We bought a smaller diamond that was higher quality and people would complement me on it all the time. I got out all the paperwork on the many rings my husband has bought me...apparently he bought the diamond replacement on the anniversary band he bought me but I don't have that on my solitare...go figure right?!? Only replacement in case of damage! Not losst....have to check if the homeowners somehow covers it tomorrow! I hate to do it but I might have to play the "Poor left at home Military Wife" thing !!! It's okay if I only use it for good and not evil right?!? Will keep updated on whether I get the diamond again or just a plain walmart band for now.
So on to my next job I had this week....This goes along with the missing diamond event.... So I went on the hands and knees search all night....Nothing! So I was cleaning my mom's house (she was paying me anyway but obviously I would be looking for the diamond) and I did a very good job vacuuming it. So as I dumped all the contents of the vacuum out on the kitchen floor and was sifting through enough cat/dog hair to make my own chia pet and dust *sneeze* my daughter comes up....That is gross she says! "Awww yes honey but actually it's a job that pays very well if I find my diamond...About $2,000 an hour!" Of course as children think she says to me "Yes but if you don't find it then it really pays badly!!" <----True but like I needed to be a fatalist today! So as I got my hopes up that I found it mixed in the with fur...Nope wait it's not a diamond solitare...only a DOG TOENAIL CLIPPING! *gross* I realized it wasn't doing me any good. I didn't find it. So later that night I put my mom's head light on (I don't know what they are called but those lights you put on your helmet when you go into a cave) and I crawled around in the dark on my hands and knees hoping that this very clear, nicely cut and wonderful diamond would show up and reflect some of the light but it didn't....I loved that diamond it was so pure in color and clarity...We bought a smaller diamond that was higher quality and people would complement me on it all the time. I got out all the paperwork on the many rings my husband has bought me...apparently he bought the diamond replacement on the anniversary band he bought me but I don't have that on my solitare...go figure right?!? Only replacement in case of damage! Not losst....have to check if the homeowners somehow covers it tomorrow! I hate to do it but I might have to play the "Poor left at home Military Wife" thing !!! It's okay if I only use it for good and not evil right?!? Will keep updated on whether I get the diamond again or just a plain walmart band for now.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
The Noises at Night
The noises here are never ending. Someone revving the motor down our street...after all you need to stomp on the gas when the speed limit is 25 right? And of course there is the sound of the hamster cage coming from my daughters room. That is the most annoying sound EVER. She complains she can't sleep...well no doubt me neither! That stupid hamster will take everything and anything into it's wheel (a plastic enclosed wheel) and then run around non stop at night with the sound of hamster food swirling in it like i'm living in a starbucks listening to the sound of coffee grinding.
The quiet hum of the computer as I sit here for hours doing nothing. Chatting with friends from "over there" emailing my husband, waiting for my husband to email me...clicking send recieve in outlook just in case for some reason it didn't check the email automatically and there's an email from him sitting out there in never land. The sound of my dog's toe nails clicking on the wood floor because she is running from the front window to the backdoor thinking she heard something...she hears anything and everything...quick Whisky (the dog) I think i heard the neighbor blink...better run and bark! bark! bark!
Somedays when my daughter isn't here I sit late and night and realize I haven't heard my own voice all day long...I say something outloud just to know it's still there. It sounds odd coming out...like my voice is now foreign to me. People call me and say "i'm sorry to bother you" but there is no bother when the phone rings...it's someone to talk to at least. I once knew someone that said she was afraid she would forget her husbands voice because it had been so long since she talked to him on the phone. I told my husband this and then explained that I would never forget his voice...that it echo's in my mind when i do something silly, or stupid, or I have one of those bad days where I need encouragement. I also hear it when i'm feeling like my pants are too tight and my hair is too crazy....Funny how I can hear his voice and never forget but my own sounds odd when I don't talk outloud for a day.
Odd the things you think about late at night as i sit here...send/recieve...send/recieve....no answer yet tonight.
The quiet hum of the computer as I sit here for hours doing nothing. Chatting with friends from "over there" emailing my husband, waiting for my husband to email me...clicking send recieve in outlook just in case for some reason it didn't check the email automatically and there's an email from him sitting out there in never land. The sound of my dog's toe nails clicking on the wood floor because she is running from the front window to the backdoor thinking she heard something...she hears anything and everything...quick Whisky (the dog) I think i heard the neighbor blink...better run and bark! bark! bark!
Somedays when my daughter isn't here I sit late and night and realize I haven't heard my own voice all day long...I say something outloud just to know it's still there. It sounds odd coming out...like my voice is now foreign to me. People call me and say "i'm sorry to bother you" but there is no bother when the phone rings...it's someone to talk to at least. I once knew someone that said she was afraid she would forget her husbands voice because it had been so long since she talked to him on the phone. I told my husband this and then explained that I would never forget his voice...that it echo's in my mind when i do something silly, or stupid, or I have one of those bad days where I need encouragement. I also hear it when i'm feeling like my pants are too tight and my hair is too crazy....Funny how I can hear his voice and never forget but my own sounds odd when I don't talk outloud for a day.
Odd the things you think about late at night as i sit here...send/recieve...send/recieve....no answer yet tonight.
Owning Stock in Toilet Paper
Hmmm scary title I know...You never know what I might say! But really this week has been the week from HELL!! And of course I've been very emotional lately with the whole forced menopause thing getting ready for my surgery...so i'm not normally a blubbering idiot but I have been lately!! Hence the tissue remark!!
Let's see I'll start from the beginning...The military has FUBAR'd my husband's pay and I got 1/2 of the amount I should have for August. This made it so I actually had to sell the waverunners to make our mortgage payment. Hubby asked what else I was going to sell before he got home...Told him EVERYTHING if he didn't figure it out! We don't even want to get into the "ex wife's comments regarding child support" She will get it when I get paid...I would be happy to write her a bad check but I doubt that will do either of us any good!! Apparently someone "forgot" to do his paperwork when he VOLUNTEERED to extend for 6 months and all of a sudden they decided to do that paperwork but instead of doing it correctly they took back 4 months of Combat Pay and Taxes. Of course I have it fixed now but have to wait till the 15th of September to see the money again.....So that check will have about 2,000 extra on it! Which is good. Doesn't help pay the bills or buy food at this time but heck I was on a diet anyway right?
Now i get "nascar bumped" on the freeway the other day. I swear this person hit me on purpose. Of course didn't stop even though he's just banged into be going 65 mph! I tried to pull over but the man slowed down so far he wasn't even going 30 mph trying to get it so i couldn't see his liscense plate number I'm assuming. I got that though cause i'm just that good! And his make and model and a description of him....of course I dont think the cops wanted the "Ugly ass punk who hit me and is dead if i see him at the mall " comment so I changed it to "Mid 20's, dark blond hair, blue shirt, slender build" ! There was only slight damage to my bumper luckily I am a "professional" driver because i was able to recover from the impact without over correcting.
Now what happens? Yes it gets better. I lose the diamond out of my wedding ring!! God knows where...and it's not some cheapo Kmart ring either...the diamond alone is worth only about $2000-2500. Chump change for me being so wealthy you know? I am at my mothers today so I have no idea if the insurance policy is still in effect. I emailed my husband and told him and hoped he didn't get mad at me...He wasn't (of course not like there would be a doubt) but he did say if I lost the WHOLE ring he might be mad. So now since we have NO money (see above) I can't even get a cheapo band if the diamond isn't covered....I told him i'm going to look like the cheating wife...tan line no ring! It's got to get better right?
Who's going to Margarittaville and wants to take me?!?!? I travel light.....But i have no money so please make it an all expense paid trip!! Pretty please!! Will write more when I get home and apparently I need to put a reminder on my cell phone so I will remember to post more instead of all at once.
Let's see I'll start from the beginning...The military has FUBAR'd my husband's pay and I got 1/2 of the amount I should have for August. This made it so I actually had to sell the waverunners to make our mortgage payment. Hubby asked what else I was going to sell before he got home...Told him EVERYTHING if he didn't figure it out! We don't even want to get into the "ex wife's comments regarding child support" She will get it when I get paid...I would be happy to write her a bad check but I doubt that will do either of us any good!! Apparently someone "forgot" to do his paperwork when he VOLUNTEERED to extend for 6 months and all of a sudden they decided to do that paperwork but instead of doing it correctly they took back 4 months of Combat Pay and Taxes. Of course I have it fixed now but have to wait till the 15th of September to see the money again.....So that check will have about 2,000 extra on it! Which is good. Doesn't help pay the bills or buy food at this time but heck I was on a diet anyway right?
Now i get "nascar bumped" on the freeway the other day. I swear this person hit me on purpose. Of course didn't stop even though he's just banged into be going 65 mph! I tried to pull over but the man slowed down so far he wasn't even going 30 mph trying to get it so i couldn't see his liscense plate number I'm assuming. I got that though cause i'm just that good! And his make and model and a description of him....of course I dont think the cops wanted the "Ugly ass punk who hit me and is dead if i see him at the mall " comment so I changed it to "Mid 20's, dark blond hair, blue shirt, slender build" ! There was only slight damage to my bumper luckily I am a "professional" driver because i was able to recover from the impact without over correcting.
Now what happens? Yes it gets better. I lose the diamond out of my wedding ring!! God knows where...and it's not some cheapo Kmart ring either...the diamond alone is worth only about $2000-2500. Chump change for me being so wealthy you know? I am at my mothers today so I have no idea if the insurance policy is still in effect. I emailed my husband and told him and hoped he didn't get mad at me...He wasn't (of course not like there would be a doubt) but he did say if I lost the WHOLE ring he might be mad. So now since we have NO money (see above) I can't even get a cheapo band if the diamond isn't covered....I told him i'm going to look like the cheating wife...tan line no ring! It's got to get better right?
Who's going to Margarittaville and wants to take me?!?!? I travel light.....But i have no money so please make it an all expense paid trip!! Pretty please!! Will write more when I get home and apparently I need to put a reminder on my cell phone so I will remember to post more instead of all at once.
Monday, August 15, 2005
Burnt Out
Okay I swear sometimes I seem to live in a Jerry Springer episode. It's ridiculous! I realize I haven't posted in awhile but then I have been seriously burnt out with life lately! I have been having conflicting emotions about what to do with our lives when my husband gets back. We have planned to drive truck and I know that is what we will end up doing but I'm really wishing there was some other way. We need about $4000 to finish our house remodel and so we can sell it easily. Of course nobody is going to hand us that money (although i'm not scared if someone offered !) so that means that we have to come up with that money in addition to the normal living money...ummm not happening anytime soon. So I have to leave my daughter which is upsetting to me but I don't think it will be for too long.
Hubby is starting to come around about living in a small town and owning horses and being happy....he said it sometimes takes him a little longer than most people to figure out things! It's all good I love him! I've been an emotional mess lately...life has just been getting the better of me and it doesn't help that now i'm going through medication induced menopause (fear the woman with hot flashes at 28!!) I'm looking forward to driving truck don't get me wrong...I love the freedom and the road and all the people that I meet and the fact I get to spend 24/7 with my loving husband---can you tell I like him? But I just am sad about leaving my daughter...
She is happy at my mother's though. That gives me some comfort. I hope that soon once we get the money and can sell the house and get another one with some land that she can be happy with us as a family. Budget Budget Budget is going to be my motto the next year or so in order to save up money! I'm so busy lately getting things ready at the house that sometimes I forget that we need to sleep as humans...maybe that's part of my burn out...we shall see it's time for bed!
Hubby is starting to come around about living in a small town and owning horses and being happy....he said it sometimes takes him a little longer than most people to figure out things! It's all good I love him! I've been an emotional mess lately...life has just been getting the better of me and it doesn't help that now i'm going through medication induced menopause (fear the woman with hot flashes at 28!!) I'm looking forward to driving truck don't get me wrong...I love the freedom and the road and all the people that I meet and the fact I get to spend 24/7 with my loving husband---can you tell I like him? But I just am sad about leaving my daughter...
She is happy at my mother's though. That gives me some comfort. I hope that soon once we get the money and can sell the house and get another one with some land that she can be happy with us as a family. Budget Budget Budget is going to be my motto the next year or so in order to save up money! I'm so busy lately getting things ready at the house that sometimes I forget that we need to sleep as humans...maybe that's part of my burn out...we shall see it's time for bed!
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
One More Reason to Stop Smoking
I do not know if you smoke or not…but if you don’t please no lectures on how I should quit…I guarantee I hear it 20 times a day from my daughter! Yes I know it’s a nasty, dirty, stinky, unhealthy habit…and yes I hate it every time I light one up …wait I need to put out my cigarette it’s making it hard to type…JUST KIDDING!
Okay but back on track…If you do smoke then you may have experienced this at one point in your life and can see how traumatic it could be for me! I’m driving down the road in my old 1991 Toyota pickup… It’s storming in Wyoming….Thunder, lightening, rain and of course WIND! Lots of wind but that is a given in Wyoming. So I get done with a cigarette and I’m driving down the road and I had just passed a little corvette (dunno how that happened because I had a headwind which means the 4 cylinder truck was going about 65 if I stuck my foot out and pushed it ) but I put the cigarette out the window and all of a sudden the cherry on the top came flying off in a big gust of wind and it hit me on my shoulder!
Now it doesn’t just fly off my shoulder on it’s own…no it starts to burn my neck and I’m scared for my hair…so I quickly scream (dog thought that was annoying because she was sleeping next to me ) and brush it off hoping it lands on the rubber floor mat so I can stomp it out….no it doesn’t happen way. Instead it falls down my flimsy tanktop I’m wearing….I love this shirt…very summery looking and it’s made out of a guaze material so it’s very susceptible to fire damage! Well luckily it goes right past my bra and tummy (thank god for TaeBo or it might have landed on my stomach!!! ) down to my waist band of my shorts…the whole time I’ve got my right leg down as far as it can go hoping to inch out another 2 mph as I’m coming up to a hill and don’t want to be passed by semi truck drivers going 45 mph up the hill in my little truck (Oh how I miss my V8 Jeep!)
But I see it sitting there on my shorts and I very carefully pull the waistband of my shorts out (after of course I found it because when i moved and was looking for it the shorts rolled in a little and the burning cherry touched my belly and made me scream again!) I decide I’m going to once again shoot for the rubber floor mat by flicking it off my shorts and onto the floor….doesn’t happen that way…Instead of course due to the seatbelt I’m wearing (click it or ticket it!) I can’t get much room to “flick” so it just kinda falls off and lands on the seat underneath my leg….burning my thigh in the process (At this point I’m screaming like a girl and cussing like a sailor and my dog is looking as if I’ve just gone insane and she’s NEVER going to go back to sleep ) I’m hoping at this time it will have just burnt itself out as it’s wrecked havoc all the way down my body and onto the seat but no I begin to smell burning cloth (that would be my seat…. )
Well great I think! I’m now driving down the road one had on the wheel the other one braced against the window and one leg pushed firmly down on the gas peddle (cant’ give an inch otherwise it won’t speed back up with the wind) and one leg kinda braced up against the door keeping my bottom off the seat so I don’t get burned or get a hole in my pants…well I quickly look around for something to slide underneath me (such as the towel that my dog is laying on but she’s not giving it up without a fight and I’m not in a position to do that right now) Then I look over and see something…thank god for 10 year olds that NEVER finish a drink you buy them!! I see a water bottle…so in a move that would out a Twister Champion to shame I take my left hand off the window (now I’m holding myself up with only my thighs…good thing I do a lot of squats is all I can say!) put it on the wheel and quickly look to see where the corvette is I passed (safety first always is my slogan!! ) and I reach all the way across careful not to hit the gear shift and retreieve the bottle of water…open it with one hand and my teeth and pour it on the seat below me.
Now I don’t have time to mess around so I pour what appears to be 20 ounces of water on my seat as well as myself…I want to make sure it’s out! I take the next pull off and get out to the check the damage….no holes in my shirt or shorts !! Big burn mark on the seat but once again I don’t really care about the seat but of course I’m sopping wet and so is my seat…nothing I can do about that now…(oh wait it’s really going to suck….I have to stop and get gas in about 20 miles!!! ) So I drive down to the gas station that is 20 miles away…and get out to put gas in my car…now everyone is looking at me because it looks like I have had an “accident”….so I put my card in…fill up the gas tank and wash my windows while I’m waiting for the gas…I see a younger guy (younger than me and I’m 28…I figured he was like 24 or so) that kinda points at me towards his friend….and being the sarcastic one that I am I figured I will never see these people again why not make the most of the situation and give me something to laugh about on my way home…I look at him and smiled as sweet as can be and say “Bladder control is a bitch when you get older but what can you do?” Their eyes got wide and I just laughed and got in and drove off…If you can’t laugh at yourself what can you do ?
Okay but back on track…If you do smoke then you may have experienced this at one point in your life and can see how traumatic it could be for me! I’m driving down the road in my old 1991 Toyota pickup… It’s storming in Wyoming….Thunder, lightening, rain and of course WIND! Lots of wind but that is a given in Wyoming. So I get done with a cigarette and I’m driving down the road and I had just passed a little corvette (dunno how that happened because I had a headwind which means the 4 cylinder truck was going about 65 if I stuck my foot out and pushed it ) but I put the cigarette out the window and all of a sudden the cherry on the top came flying off in a big gust of wind and it hit me on my shoulder!
Now it doesn’t just fly off my shoulder on it’s own…no it starts to burn my neck and I’m scared for my hair…so I quickly scream (dog thought that was annoying because she was sleeping next to me ) and brush it off hoping it lands on the rubber floor mat so I can stomp it out….no it doesn’t happen way. Instead it falls down my flimsy tanktop I’m wearing….I love this shirt…very summery looking and it’s made out of a guaze material so it’s very susceptible to fire damage! Well luckily it goes right past my bra and tummy (thank god for TaeBo or it might have landed on my stomach!!! ) down to my waist band of my shorts…the whole time I’ve got my right leg down as far as it can go hoping to inch out another 2 mph as I’m coming up to a hill and don’t want to be passed by semi truck drivers going 45 mph up the hill in my little truck (Oh how I miss my V8 Jeep!)
But I see it sitting there on my shorts and I very carefully pull the waistband of my shorts out (after of course I found it because when i moved and was looking for it the shorts rolled in a little and the burning cherry touched my belly and made me scream again!) I decide I’m going to once again shoot for the rubber floor mat by flicking it off my shorts and onto the floor….doesn’t happen that way…Instead of course due to the seatbelt I’m wearing (click it or ticket it!) I can’t get much room to “flick” so it just kinda falls off and lands on the seat underneath my leg….burning my thigh in the process (At this point I’m screaming like a girl and cussing like a sailor and my dog is looking as if I’ve just gone insane and she’s NEVER going to go back to sleep ) I’m hoping at this time it will have just burnt itself out as it’s wrecked havoc all the way down my body and onto the seat but no I begin to smell burning cloth (that would be my seat…. )
Well great I think! I’m now driving down the road one had on the wheel the other one braced against the window and one leg pushed firmly down on the gas peddle (cant’ give an inch otherwise it won’t speed back up with the wind) and one leg kinda braced up against the door keeping my bottom off the seat so I don’t get burned or get a hole in my pants…well I quickly look around for something to slide underneath me (such as the towel that my dog is laying on but she’s not giving it up without a fight and I’m not in a position to do that right now) Then I look over and see something…thank god for 10 year olds that NEVER finish a drink you buy them!! I see a water bottle…so in a move that would out a Twister Champion to shame I take my left hand off the window (now I’m holding myself up with only my thighs…good thing I do a lot of squats is all I can say!) put it on the wheel and quickly look to see where the corvette is I passed (safety first always is my slogan!! ) and I reach all the way across careful not to hit the gear shift and retreieve the bottle of water…open it with one hand and my teeth and pour it on the seat below me.
Now I don’t have time to mess around so I pour what appears to be 20 ounces of water on my seat as well as myself…I want to make sure it’s out! I take the next pull off and get out to the check the damage….no holes in my shirt or shorts !! Big burn mark on the seat but once again I don’t really care about the seat but of course I’m sopping wet and so is my seat…nothing I can do about that now…(oh wait it’s really going to suck….I have to stop and get gas in about 20 miles!!! ) So I drive down to the gas station that is 20 miles away…and get out to put gas in my car…now everyone is looking at me because it looks like I have had an “accident”….so I put my card in…fill up the gas tank and wash my windows while I’m waiting for the gas…I see a younger guy (younger than me and I’m 28…I figured he was like 24 or so) that kinda points at me towards his friend….and being the sarcastic one that I am I figured I will never see these people again why not make the most of the situation and give me something to laugh about on my way home…I look at him and smiled as sweet as can be and say “Bladder control is a bitch when you get older but what can you do?” Their eyes got wide and I just laughed and got in and drove off…If you can’t laugh at yourself what can you do ?
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